pansy first drafts

Oh, how I wish I could adopt the reckless, carefree prose style of Anne Lamott. I am someone who labors over the first page and needs a remarkable amount of motivation to start because I know how long it takes me. I am guilty of treating a first draft like a second or third. I can do the hasty, unfiltered writing in brainstorming and prewriting exercises, but I would be mortified to put such thoughts in a document I would turn in for any kind of grade or recognition. I'm afraid in editing I'll run over it and leave that poor lonely thought alone in its unrefined glory and never come back to it again. Most of what I consider to be revision includes rephrasing repetitive sentences and messing with the flow of the story. I get frustrated when revisions I receive in work shopping processes are minimal, I want to have a lot to look over and think about - seeing things from only my own perspective is boring to read and write about. I like having things to argue and defend on paper.